Traditionally cast as the primary provider, men often grapple with societal expectations when their female partners out earn them. Below, we explore twelve honest confessions from men navigating the emotional and societal complexities of this dynamic.
Self-Worth
“Initially, I felt insecure about her earning more, but I’ve realized that her success doesn’t diminish my worth.”
For most men, insecurity usually follows the realization that their partner is earning more than them. They begin to feel inferior and start asking questions about what exactly they contribute to the marriage. Some, however, can move beyond this feeling, understanding that their partner’s success is a separate entity from their own identity and value in the relationship.
Financial Self-Doubt
“I’m proud of her achievements, but sometimes I worry I’m not contributing enough to our relationship financially.”
While some men initially react with self-doubt when they find out their partner makes more than them, some others actually react with pride in their achievements. However, this pride is usually short-lived because, after a while, the worry begins to set in. These men begin to have doubts about their contribution to the relationship since they’ve already fallen behind in the monetary aspect.
Gratitude and Luxuries
“Her higher income has allowed us to enjoy luxuries and experiences I couldn’t have afforded on my own, and I’m grateful for that.”
They are not all that common, but it will interest you to know that there are actually men who remain unbothered about their partner earning more than them. These men often approach this relationship dynamic from a gratitude perspective, understanding that these luxuries are a shared joy and not a liability.
Societal Pressure
“Sometimes I feel pressure from society to be the ‘breadwinner,’ even though we’re comfortable and happy with our arrangement.”
Society has conditioned men to believe and assume the role of the breadwinner in any relationship. However, it should be said that there will always be those instances where women earn more than men. Some men in relationships with this dynamic have confessed that it often makes them uncomfortable since they feel they should be the primary provider.
Inspiration from Success
“I’ve found that my own ambitions have been re-ignited seeing her succeed; it makes me want to strive for more.”
While some adopt a lax approach or response to their partner earning more than them, others have used this as an ambition boost. The truth is success begets success, or at least it should. So, instead of wallowing in self-pity, you can choose to harness your partner’s success as a source of inspiration to do better for yourself.
Financial Support
“I used to be uncomfortable when she paid for most of our dates, but I’ve learned to accept that it’s just money, not a power play.”
For most men, the fastest way to bruise their ego is to have a constant reminder of how much they appear to be underperforming, especially financially. Traditionally, a man picks up the check during dates, but in a relationship with this new dynamic, this falls to the woman more often. Some men are totally insecure about this and often view it as a power play from her. Now, it could be a power play, but more often than not, it’s just money.
Dealing with Friends’ Opinions
“My friends make occasional jokes that hurt, but I’ve come to understand that their opinions about our finances are irrelevant.”
Your friends are amazing people, but if you don’t manage them properly, they could shipwreck your relationship. For a man whose partner makes more than him, it’s not uncommon to find his friend making barbed jokes about his relationship dynamic. The challenge here is usually, this sort of fuels his already existing insecurity, making it a lot harder for him to feel comfortable with his partner. It’s important to understand that only your and your partner’s opinions count where your finances are concerned. Your friends? Irrelevant.
Taking on Household Responsibilities
“I take on a bigger share of household responsibilities to feel like I’m contributing more, even though she never asked me to.”
This is one of the most common outcomes of this shift in financial dynamics. Lots of men prefer to take on a bigger share of household responsibilities to sort of compensate for not earning more than their partners. This makes them feel like they are actually contributing something to the relationship.
Relief from Traditional Pressures
“Honestly, it’s a relief. I’ve seen my father and uncles stressed about being the sole earners, and I don’t feel that pressure.”
While some men grow up under the impression that they always have to be the major earners in any relationship, others take a more relaxed position on it. This is especially true for men who have never really felt the societal pressure to be the sole earners in a relationship. For them, this new financial situation is more of a relief than an ego problem.
Overcoming Assumptions
“It’s challenging when others assume I’m ‘living off’ my partner, ignoring my own career and contributions.”
For some men, the problem they have is optics. Usually, when a woman earns more than her male partner, people often assume that he’s living off her. They completely ignore the fact that the man could also be making strides in his own career. They also don’t pay attention to the contributions he makes. This often ends up with the man feeling underappreciated and insecure.
Navigating Disagreements
“We had to learn to navigate disagreements about money since we were both raised with the idea that the one who earns more decides more.”
These days, it’s not uncommon to see men approach relationships with the mindset that the one who earns more decides more. Usually, this “works” since the man earns more; however, when the table flips, the resulting fallout is often significant. At this point, the man becomes uncomfortable with his partner making most of the decisions and him just having to go along with whatever she says.
Constantly Defending Equality
“I’ve never cared about income disparity, but I feel like I’m constantly convincing others that our relationship is equal.”
For some other men, having a partner who earns more than them is a constant struggle to keep convincing everyone of their relationship’s health. People often equate relationship equality to financial performance, and as such, men with partners who earn more than them may be constantly trying to convince others that their relationship is fine and balanced.
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