In 1985, cinema hit some lows that still make us cringe today. From laughably bad plots to cringe-worthy acting, these 16 films were the epitome of cinematic disasters. Whether you’re into cheesy sci-fi or unintentional comedy, these movies are so bad, they’re almost good. Brace yourself for a nostalgic trip through cinematic infamy.
The Slugger’s Wife
A baseball player falls in love with a nightclub singer. Despite the potential to explore and develop the romance, the movie rushes through it so that the relationship isn’t explored in a meaningful way. For baseball fans, the scenes of the matches are bland and fail to capture the excitement of the game. You’ll be slugging yourself after enduring this junk.
Perfect
This move is anything but perfect. It attempts to take a journalistic look at health clubs and their effects on society. Unfortunately, the whole film is an incoherent mess. Both John Travolta and Jamie Lee Curtis offer below-average performances. Long periods of talking interspersed with workout sequences have you feeling like the movie is constantly stopping and starting.
Death Wish 3
Charles Bronson returns, however, this installment simply rehashes the material from the previous two movies. It relies on excessive gratuitous violence to carry it through as there is nothing else it has to offer. One reviewer states “It takes the concept of ‘mindless violence’ to the perfect limit of stupidity.”
Certain Fury
You will undoubtedly be feeling fury if you endure this travesty. It’s in a similar vein to “Thelma and Louise” in which two females are on the run from the law. This film fails in several areas. Tatum O’Neal and Irene Cara deliver lackluster performances, so you don’t care about their characters. The plot meanders between gritty drama and slapstick comedy, so you are curious if this is a comedy or not. Finally, the action scenes are poorly done and don’t have the impact that was intended. Watch this at your own risk, but don’t expect too much.
Revolution
As a historical drama based around the American Revolution, it has some inaccuracies. One viewer points out “In battle, Sgt. Maj. Peasy is depicted giving march and fire orders; in reality, it would be the job of an actual officer, and not an NCO.” The movie doesn’t capture the complexity and significance of this moment in history. “Revolution” suffers from major editing issues and you are left jumping around from one year to another. Hugh Hudson did an amazing job with “Chariots of Fire”, but this film pretty much ruined his career.
King Solomon’s Mines
As an adaptation of H. Rider Haggard’s classic, the screenplay for “King Solomon’s Mines” is dull. As an adventure movie that has the potential for thrills, it falls short. Allan Quartemain is forgettable as a protagonist while Sharon Stone’s character comes across as needy and helpless. It’s a film that unintentionally comes across as a spoof. If you want some mind-numbing entertainment, then go ahead and watch this.
O.C. and Stiggs
Two mischievous teenagers get up to pranks and other shenanigans across America. The premise of a great comedic film, which this isn’t. O.C. and Stiggs are simply annoying, juvenile, and obnoxious. The humor is also infantile and the gags are crude. “Robert Altman turned a hilarious story into a tame, lame, wimpy, boring movie with no laughs and NO guts.” laments one reviewer.
Attack of the Beast Creatures
You know this is going to be B-grade stuff. So what reasons are there not to waste your time with this? The film follows a group of survivors stranded on a deserted island after their ship sinks. They soon discover that the island is inhabited by miniature, creature-like beings. While this premise has the potential for suspense and thrills, the film squanders it with a disjointed narrative. The story meanders aimlessly, and the pacing is inconsistent, leaving viewers bewildered rather than engaged. The actions of the characters sometimes lack logic and the dialog is cheesy. A complete waste of what could have been a good flick.
Water
The film aims to explore the challenges faced by a group of women living in an Indian widow’s ashram, but it ultimately fails to do justice to this sensitive and important subject matter. It comes across as a subtle dig at Capitalism and colonialism. Micheal Cain said in an interview that this is one of his worst films. The film’s sets and costumes lack the authenticity of 1930s India. Many people are left confused as to what the message of this film is.
Red Sonja
A sword-and-sorcerer film that was a slight fad in the 70s and 80s. Red Sonja is on a quest for revenge against an evil queen. However, there is no depth in the plot and the characters are poorly developed. The film’s dialogue is filled with cringe-worthy one-liners and clunky exposition, making it difficult for the audience to take the story or characters seriously. The attempts at humor fall flat, and the film struggles to find the right tone, oscillating between campy and serious without achieving a satisfying balance.
Summer Rental
The film follows Jack Chester, played by John Candy, as he takes his family on a vacation to the beach. While the premise holds potential for humorous and heartwarming family comedy, the execution is lazy and clichéd. The storyline is predictable, with contrived obstacles and conflicts that fail to surprise or engage the audience. It’s a complete ripoff from National Lampoon’s Vacation movies.
Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment
A sequel that can’t be compared to the first Police Academy Movie. It is full of tired gags and crude jokes at the expense of storytelling. The characters are stereotypical to the extreme. One person says “Police Academy 2, what can I say? It just went pear-shaped after the first Police Academy film. The story in this film goes from BAD to very BADDDD to Extremely BADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.” You have the right to be warned.
Once Bitten
One of the most glaring issues with “Once Bitten” is its weak and derivative plot. The film centers around a vampire countess, played by Lauren Hutton, who must find a virgin male to quench her thirst for blood. While the concept has potential for dark humor and satire, the execution is uninspired. The humor is weak and relies on crass jokes and sexual innuendo. “Unbelievable. Witless, coarse, crude, offensive, horrendously directed…” concludes one online reviewer.
Bad Medicine
Watching this will be like swallowing bad medicine. The film centers around a young medical student, played by Steve Guttenberg, as he navigates his way through the tumultuous world of medical school. However, the narrative feels disjointed and unfocused, with scenes that often lack a clear purpose or connection. The attempts at humor are sporadic and uneven, with the film jumping from one comedic situation to another without a sense of narrative or character development. A complete waste of a good cast.
My Science Project
While the concept of a high schooler stumbling upon advanced extraterrestrial technology holds potential, the execution is messy and lacks focus. The narrative careens from one chaotic set piece to another without a clear sense of direction, leaving the audience disoriented and disconnected from the story. For comedy, “My Science Project” uses clunky one-liners and cheesy quips that constantly fall flat. “I get that it was a sci-fi and the plot was about an alien device that could bend the space-time continuum, so does that mean everything had to be outside the realm of possibility? Ugh… insufferable.” a reviewer observes.
Desperately Seeking Susan
Madonna’s foray into acting. Two women have their lives intertwined as a result of mistaken identity. The narrative often feels meandering and lacks a clear sense of direction. It relies heavily on coincidences and contrivances to move the plot forward, resulting in a storyline that is often more confusing than compelling. “Desperately Seeking Susan” has nostalgic value for Madonna fans, yet the movie is pretty lame.
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